My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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