You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
