At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
