Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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