the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
