and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
