Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
