You're completely useless in the revolution.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
