I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
