i don't like sucking hair
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
