i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
