I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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