I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
