my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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