I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize