I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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