Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
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she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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