you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
