You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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