dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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