So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
