You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
