The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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