I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
