she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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