were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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