It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
