I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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