I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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