bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
