Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
