At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
