Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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