The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
