You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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