1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a search helicopter?!
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
