One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
