I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
