Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
