After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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