Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I puked a lego.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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