I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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