I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
