We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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