Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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