I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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