So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
