So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
