Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
