I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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