she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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