I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
