Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
