Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
