my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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