Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
