I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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