too bad you live with your parents still
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
