I cannot find my penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
