i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
