I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
